Extended Breastfeeding - the Big Debate

I know that we were pretty lucky as we had no major problems to get in the way of feeding in the beginning.  It was an easy home water birth, and Chloe had her first good feed for 30 minutes just after she was born and we were still in the water.  I had mildly cracked nipples and they did hurt but I was determined to succeed for Chloe’s sake so kept going, and this passed after about 3 weeks.  I did get mastitis when she was 18 months old (on the same day that my husband broke his ankle and then Chloe was diagnosed with chicken pox the next day – great timing!) and I have every sympathy with anyone who gets that when they have a tiny baby to cope with as I found it hard going with a toddler.

I fed her exclusively for her first 6 months, even though she was 8lb 10oz at birth and continued to be quite a big baby (19lbs at 6 months), then about four feeds a day and a couple at night until she was about a year.  After this the daytime feeds gradually dropped off and she started sleeping through the night so I was only really feeding her at breakfast and bedtime. She did demand ‘milkies’ at other times though as a comforter rather than for food I think, as I’d taught her a basic sign language sign for it and she could request it when she wanted from about 10 months or so.  When she was about 1¾ we went away with my in-laws for a week and they put her to bed each night.  A combination of the different environment and the different people meant that she didn’t ask for her bedtime feed, and I didn’t reintroduce it when we returned home.  She was still feeding regularly in the morning until she was about 2, but then this dropped to once every 2 or 3 days as if we woke up late she preferred to go downstairs and watch ‘Big Cook Little Cook’ instead of having milk!  Gradually the pull of Cbeebies has proved too much and now at 2¼ she hasn’t had a breastfeed for the last 5 weeks or so.

I found that others’ opinions changed dramatically as I continued to feed Chloe. When she was born, friends and family were unanimous that we were doing the best thing by breastfeeding, but then when she was about 3 months old both my mum and mother-in-law started to suggest that breastmilk wasn’t enough to nourish her and I should start weaning.  Friends with children didn’t say this though, which I guess is due to them having more up to date knowledge about the current weaning guidelines.  Pretty much everyone was fine about the feeding until Chloe had her first birthday then family and a few friends started to give me suggestions about how I could wean her off or change the taste of my milk to put her off feeding.  They seemed to think I’d gone all ‘weirdy beardy’ when I quoted the World Health Organisation guidelines on how to feed your baby, and couldn’t see that I could possibly still be enjoying feeding a toddler as opposed to a tiny baby. I loved feeding her, though, and didn’t see why we should stop when we both still enjoyed it.  Plus, it gave me half an hour of relaxing feeding in bed in the morning instead of having to go straight downstairs when I’d just woken up – for me this was a big bonus!

When she was under one year I pretty much fed her anywhere and everywhere. By the time she was two weeks old I’d already done it in 3 Starbucks and the Natural History Museum, and we continued on like this until she stopped wanting daytime feeds. I was really determined that I should be allowed to feed her whenever and wherever I wanted, and so I never hesitated to do the necessary, but I must say that I have never had anyone make a negative comment while I was feeding in public (though I did have one mother of a friend of mine who was fascinated as she’d never done it and she watched the feed with her nose about 3 inches from my breast, which was a bit disconcerting!). After Chloe was about 18 months old she didn’t really request many daytime feeds anymore, but if she did I still fed her provided I was at a friend’s house, or NCT Open House, etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable about feeding a walking and talking toddler in public at this point. I don’t remember having to turn her down on many occasions though as by this time she generally only asked for it during the day if she could see someone else being fed, and this was normally when I was round at friends anyway.

Now it has stopped I am a little sad that that time of her life has finished, but really happy and confident that I have given her the best start possible in life. I’m also really proud that we both managed to do it and keep it going, though I couldn’t have done it without the support of my husband in the beginning as there were several times when I demanded that he go and buy formula, and he suggested just giving it one more try!

 

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When I was pregnant I intended to breastfeed my baby for 6 months.  At 6 months, I decided to keep going to 12 months, when she could have cow’s milk.  At 12 months it seemed odd to tell her “no more”, so I decided she could keep going until she chose to stop...

The longer we continued, the more it became obvious that for Lily, breastfeeding is  complex, giving her many things in addition to nutrition.  For my child, breastfeeding is a haven, a safe place, a comfort and a joy.  She regularly craved the closeness when we returned home from a boisterous session at toddlers.  She needed to suckle when her growing independence threatened to overpower her.  If she took a tumble, breastfeeding made her feel better.  It would be hard for me to deny her that special support - no dummy or teat has ever come close!

The other main reason why Lily has continued to feed is because it is her main way of getting off to sleep.  I have never held with controlled crying (don’t start me on that subject - if it worked for you and you are happy with it, then great!).  Lily will settle very quickly in the night with a nipple in her mouth, and I don’t care if it is lazy - it means we all get a less disturbed night, which can only be a good thing.  Luckily she can also go to sleep when Daddy reads her stories for  hours, so I do still get nights off!

If Lily is ever ill, then breastfeeding comes into its own with a vengeance.  When they have upset tummies, you are often told not to give them any solids for 24 hours.  Well, I don’t know about your child, but we find this pretty hard.  But breastmilk is fine - better than fine, it has a positive effect on upset tummies - as well as having a comforting effect during the suckling.

Of course, there are some downsides...When Lily has been poorly, I have at times felt very stressed that only I can give her the breastmilk she craves (expressing and bottles etc just never worked for us).  I have felt pretty exhausted at times.  The transition period between feeding a bigger baby and feeding a toddler was interesting too.  I started to feel awkward in public and so had to gradually get Lily to wait till a more private time.  I remember once having to leave Burrs in Letchworth when she was approaching 2 and screaming “I want booby!” over and over again at full volume.  Which reminds me - if there is any chance you will end up feeding a person who can talk, then choose your family’s name for the activity with care!  I wish she had shouted “I want Eric!”, then nobody else need have known.

Medical people can be a bit funny when you tell them you are still feeding - which you need to do anytime you get a prescription for yourself.  I have to say though, that at my practice they are very supportive.  But many medicines say you should not take them if you are breastfeeding, and you then have to make your own judgement on it.  I tend to feel that they really refer to fulltime breastfeeding of an infant, rather than infrequent feeding of a toddler, but it is vital to check with your doctor and pharmacist.

From a wider perspective, there are many arguments for prolonged breastfeeding.  Around the world and through history children have and do feed for far longer than we in the developed world of the 21st century feel comfortable with.  There is evidence that the immune system benefits of breastmilk continue into toddlerdom (and maybe beyond).  The closeness and safety of the breast definitely gives a developing personality space to reflect and relax (and gives Mummy a break from running around too!).

The most inspiring book I have read in a long time is Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner.  It is available through La Leche League, and gives any family who is starting to feel odd about their nursing toddler a wealth of positive information and real stories of others in the same situation.

So, I haven’t told you how old Lily is now, have I?  She will be 3 in February, and whilst her need to feed has lessened, I can’t really see her stopping in the next few months.  I am still committed to letting her wean herself when she is ready, and I am fairly sure it will before her 16th birthday - but ask me again in 2018! 

 

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I am still breastfeeding my 10 month-old William (at time of writing).  It wasn’t easy at the beginning.  William and I both struggled to get the hang of it and at 5 days old I was all ready to give up and switch to the bottle, as I was extremely sore and teary.  I was determined to persevere though and had amazing support from the Breastfeeding Drop-in Clinic at Stanmore Road Health Centre in Stevenage. I couldn’t have carried on without Pam, Lesley and Debbie.  You would think breastfeeding would be the most natural thing in the world, but it isn’t. As our mums’ generation were mostly bottle-feeders the art of breastfeeding seems to have been lost.

I am so glad I persevered though. From about 6-8 weeks into breastfeeding, it all seemed to eventually click and I really began to enjoy it. I’m now quite reluctant to give it up as I love feeding William and seeing him gaze up at me with glazed eyes as he enters what I call ‘Milk World’! He seems to love it too, so much so that I think I’ll still be feeding him when he’s at school!! Seriously though, I am thinking of weaning him off the breast at about a year old, once he can have cow’s milk as a drink.  It will just free me up a bit.  We haven’t had much success with him taking milk in any other form, either expressed milk in a bottle or formula. I suppose that’s one downside of breastfeeding, especially when you get to this stage of the proceedings.

There are lots of benefits of breastfeeding, which you are constantly reminded of, not least that it’s so convenient without all the sterilising, warming of bottles etc. But I think health professionals can put too much pressure on mums to breastfeed. Not everyone gets on with it.  I think the most important thing is that mother and baby are happy, and if you are both struggling along with breastfeeding and are miserable then surely it’s better for mother and baby to bottle-feed. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother. You still love your baby just as much. I know several people who feel terribly guilty about giving up breastfeeding and they shouldn’t be made to feel that way.

I’ve not really encountered any negative comments or anything about feeding William so late. From other mums especially family members, I actually usually get congratulated for feeding as long as I have.  I often see admiration in the eyes of other mums when I feed William in public. There have been occasions when I have overheard comments when breastfeeding him, along the lines of how old he is and should I be feeding him that long. He is a tall baby and in fact doesn’t look so much a baby any more as a little boy.  But I just think people should keep their opinions to themselves and you should do whatever you and your baby feel happy with.

 

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At the time of writing, my youngest son, Alex, is 11 months and I plan to stop breastfeeding once he turns one.

I have always been very committed to breastfeeding and was determined that my children would be breastfed.  We had terrible problems with our first, Richard.  He was born three weeks early and was very jaundiced.  I don't know if this affected his ability to feed but he seemed to take a very long time over each feed and still not be satisfied, often just falling asleep through exhaustion.  He gave us a terrible fright at his one-week weigh-in when we discovered that he had lost 20% of his body weight.  Luckily, the midwife who saw us that day was very supportive.  My partner, Chris, was dispatched to hire an electric breastpump and my parents went to buy bottles and sterilising equipment.  We embarked on a gruelling and time-consuming regime.  Richard would be breastfed, then bottle-fed whatever milk I had managed to express.  He would then be ‘topped up’ with formula and I would express, ready for the next feed.  Using the pump increased my milk supply and gradually we were able to decrease, and eventually cut out, the formula supplements.  It was extremely tough as the whole process could take two hours.  As Richard was feeding every three hours, I had just one hour before starting the whole process over again.  It was exhausting but sheer bloody-mindedness kept me going.

I had planned to breastfeed Richard until he was a year old but I fell pregnant again when he was just five months old.  I continued to feed him but at 10½ months old, he began to reject the breast.  He would latch on but pull off straight away and refuse to feed.  I think perhaps my milk had changed taste due to the pregnancy.  I was disappointed but at least it solved the problem of when and how to wean him!

Thankfully, we had no such problems with Alex.  He fed well from day one and gained weight beautifully.  However, I am still determined that, once he is a year old, I will wean him off breastmilk.  I have read all the facts and figures and am aware that there are benefits in breastfeeding for longer than a year but it is not for me.  The simple fact is that I would feel uncomfortable feeding a toddler who could walk up to me and ask for it.  It’s not a question of embarrassment - this is the woman who has breastfed anywhere and everywhere, in restaurants, on trains and even on the London Eye!  It’s not a question of giving in to pressure from friends and families - until recently Alex and I co-slept which can generate some disapproval.  It is purely a personal feeling.  I have no problem with other women continuing breastfeeding, good luck to them!  It is simply not for me.

If I am completely honest, there is an aspect of selfishness to it.  I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding since April 2002 and I think that my body deserves a break!  I am looking forward to wearing attractive bras again, to being able to pop a pill when I have a migraine or a bad cold, to being able to wear dresses!  I’m not sure how quickly or easily I will be able to wean Alex.  We are already in the process of cutting out middle-of-the-night feeds (hence dropping the co-sleeping).  He turns one at the end of February and I hope that, by the end of March, he will be weaned.

 

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